Life often takes us in directions we never expected. When I imagined my midlife years, I thought they might be calm and filled with rest, maybe even a little adventure. Instead, they’ve been filled with lessons, hardships, and unexpected gifts. Living with fibromyalgia has shaped who I am, but it has not taken away my ability to grow, adapt, and even thrive.
As a mother, a grandmother, and a professional woman in management, life has been filled with both joy and challenge. Divorce, grief, and years of raising four children alone have shaped this journey in ways that demanded resilience. I have also faced days when the weight of chronic pain and exhaustion made me feel like I could not get out of bed. Yet here I am, writing this, not as someone defeated by fibromyalgia but as someone who has learned to live alongside it.
The Weight of Loss
The most defining heartbreak of my adult life was losing my mother. She was the person who always understood me, even when I could not find the words. Her absence left an ache that still lingers. When she passed, I was already balancing parenting, a career, and managing my health. Suddenly, the ground beneath me shifted, and nothing felt steady.
Fibromyalgia already made me feel fragile. Grief added another layer I wasn’t sure I could carry. I found myself withdrawing even further into my quiet, introverted nature. Alone time became necessary, not just comforting. Yet even in the hardest moments, life kept moving. My children needed me. My team at work relied on me. Somehow, I kept showing up.
Living and Leading with Fibromyalgia
I work in a leadership role where people expect quick thinking, clear decisions, and constant availability. But fibromyalgia comes with brain fog that clouds my mind. Numbers that once clicked quickly sometimes took longer to process. Meetings demanded focus when all I wanted was to close my eyes.
There were mornings when I sat in my car outside the office gathering the energy to walk inside. My body ached and my brain felt heavy. Still, I chose to step through those doors. I learned how to pace myself, how to prioritize, and how to give myself grace when I wasn’t perfect.
I became more empathetic toward the people I managed. Knowing what it felt like to struggle silently while still carrying responsibility. That empathy shaped me into a more understanding leader.
Carrying Two Roles at Home
Raising four children without a partner taught me strength I never believed I had. Playing both mom and dad. I handled homework, bills, discipline, and bedtime stories. School events still received my attention, even on nights when fibromyalgia pain made every step feel heavy. I stayed awake during late-night talks, listening to teenage worries, even when I was exhausted.
The truth is, there were days I cried in the shower from sheer exhaustion. There were evenings when I went to bed early only to wake up in pain at 2 a.m. But in the middle of all of it, I found small joys that carried me through. I remember the smell of dinner cooking while kids laughed in the living room. I remember the hugs, the “I love you mom” pictures and clay pottery; that all look like ash trays, but I still have to this day.
Looking back now, I see that those moments were the threads that held me together.
Learning to Put Myself First
For years, I believed caring for myself was selfish. My kids came first. Work came next. My parents and siblings needed me too. I came last, always. But my body eventually forced me to change. Fibromyalgia does not allow you to ignore it. The pain will stop you if you do not listen.
I began saying no to things that drained me. I stopped apologizing for needing rest and allowed myself to leave social events early without guilt. Slowly, I created quiet routines that gave me peace. I realized that as an introverted woman, my alone time wasn’t a weakness—it was a tool for recovery.
The shift didn’t happen overnight. It took years of small choices. But those choices added up. Self-care became less of a luxury and more of a requirement for survival.
Rediscovering Joy in Midlife
Today, my children are grown. I now have seven grandchildren who fill my life with light. They remind me daily that joy is not in grand plans but in simple things. Reading books together, baking cookies, or playing in the yard feels richer than any achievement at work.
Midlife has shown me that happiness is not about perfection. It’s about presence. Even with pain, fatigue, or fog, I can choose to be present in those small moments. I’ve learned to let go of unrealistic expectations and instead focus on gratitude.
How I Manage Fibromyalgia Today
Living with fibromyalgia requires constant adjustments. Some of the strategies that help me include:
- Listening to my body: When fatigue hits, I rest. When pain flares, I slow down.
- Prioritizing sleep: Good rest is not always easy, but I’ve made my bedtime routine sacred.
- Gentle movement: Walking, stretching, and light yoga help my muscles without overexertion.
- Mindful eating: I pay attention to foods that trigger inflammation and choose what nourishes me.
- Stress management: I set boundaries at work and home to protect my mental health.
These may sound simple, but consistency matters. Small, steady habits create stability in a life that often feels unpredictable.
The Importance of Self-Compassion
Fibromyalgia often makes me feel less capable. Some days, I accomplish everything on my list. Other days, I barely manage the basics. I’ve learned to stop judging myself for the off days. Compassion toward myself is just as important as compassion toward others.
I remind myself that my worth isn’t measured by productivity. It’s measured by the love I give, the resilience I’ve built, and the example I set for my children and grandchildren.
Creating Space for Solitude
As an introverted woman, solitude has always been a source of energy. With fibromyalgia, it has become even more vital. Quiet mornings with a cup of tea, journaling, or simply sitting on the porch allow me to recharge. These moments of stillness help me cope with pain and restore my mind.
It’s not about isolation. It’s about balance. The more I honor my need for solitude, the more present I can be for the people I love.
Finding Purpose Beyond the Pain
Fibromyalgia is part of my story, but it’s not the whole story. I’ve found purpose in sharing my experiences, encouraging others, and breaking the silence around chronic illness. Too often, women suffer quietly, especially in midlife when society expects us to be endlessly strong.
I want others to know they are not alone. There is power in telling our stories. There is comfort in connection.
Midlife as a Season of Growth
Midlife is not the end of anything. It is a new season, full of lessons and opportunities. For me, it has been about acceptance, resilience, and gratitude. I’ve let go of who I thought I should be and embraced who I am now.
Yes, fibromyalgia is challenging. Yes, it changes how I live each day. But it has also made me stronger, more compassionate, and more aware of what truly matters.
If you are a woman in midlife living with fibromyalgia or any chronic condition, I want you to hear this: you are not broken. You are resilient. You are capable of creating a life filled with meaning, even in the presence of pain.
Closing Thoughts
My journey is far from perfect. Some days, fibromyalgia wins, and I rest. Other days, I rise strong and accomplish more than I thought possible. What matters is not the tally of good versus bad days. What matters is the grace I give myself along the way.
I now live with more balance, more acceptance, and more joy. Midlife has given me perspective. Fibromyalgia has given me resilience. Together, they have shaped me into someone I am proud to be.
